i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
