oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
