i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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