I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
