Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
