Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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