your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
