He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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