I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
