I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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