omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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