A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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