Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
