theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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