did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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