so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
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