the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
