everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
