I got chris browned last night
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
