I wish I could punch you in the face.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
