she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
