Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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