return my video game
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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