Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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