How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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