Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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