Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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