I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
