i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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