It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
