My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
