Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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