i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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