Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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