i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
