I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
