Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
