I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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