I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and she was petting her beer can
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
