margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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