on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
