I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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