you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
