He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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