Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All the doctor said was why
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
