I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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