I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
