you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
