things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
