for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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