Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
