she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
