white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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