I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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